White Wine is not an Isotonic Sports Drink

It Friday night, I'm in on my own and Scotland are playing the mighty Lithuania. I'm on my own as the gang have decamped to somewhere in Belgium for a weekend of Three Day Eventing.

I've not eaten much as my work day was back end loaded so I had conf calls and was on the phone till about 18:30. The game starts about 19:30 so I settle down with a cup of tea and a big bag of Tomato Sauce Crisps. You are what you eat as I often say.

The game kicks off and 15 minutes in I can already see the end result. I head down to the cellar in search of patriotic anaesthetic but all the red wine is too good for drinking with crisps, I check the fridge and it's only Leffe Blonde and that puts a belly on me just by opening it. I reach in a pull out a cheeky wee Sauvignon Blanc...Just a glass to get me through the game.

I drag myself through the game, it's souless and ends in a dismal 0-0 result which puts me out of my misery. My result was me having sank 5 glasses from the bottle. I feel fine but I still have only consumed wine and crisps since lunchtime when I had lasagne and a glass of cola.

I head off to bed, I'm setting my mind up for a 20K session next day.

I'm up about 10am. I mooch about the house and sink a bottle of sports drink. I decide to take one of the dogs on the run, see if the young one can do 20K. So no shower and no breakfast, straight out of bed, gear on, teeth brushed and a small sports drink....

I've now not really eaten for 22 hours and have hydrated with a bottle of white wine....I get about 2K in and I feel like I've ran 15K. Sweating and legs like jelly. I blame it on the dog who is pulling me along a bit too fast in his eagerness.

At 5K I'm at the top of Hedgehog hill, I'm absolutely wiped out. Sweat pouring from me, my legs are lifeless and my head is pounding. I decide to just cut the 20K out and head back with just 10K in the bank. I know there is no way for me to do 20K feeling like this. My legs are literally shaking if I stop.

I get to 7K and I think I'm going to faint but I've just passed some folks walking their dog so I do what all runners do and I speed up a bit and put some distance between us. That little secret will probably get me thrown out the magic runners circle. The dog is now driving me crazy pulling and stopping to sniff, my head is ready to burst. I let him off the lead and drop my pace a bit. My time is way out, I'm at 45 minutes with 2K to go, usually I'm on the last 500M by this point.

I keep going but every muscle and fibre from my hair to my toes is screamming stop, you are dying.....I know I'm not so I just keep going. The only time I've felt as bad as this before was the last long distance triathlon I did in Brasschatt when I got fried on the bike in >30C heat and the run was pure hell from the 3rd KM right to the end.

I finish and need to lie down, on the grass at the side of the road I look at my watch and its say 58:12...... The Dog is helping by licking my sweaty face. I'm thinking about going for a sleep right here. I eventually get up and head in for a shower and a long lie down. I sink 500ML of sports drink in one go. I have a shower then have half a baguette toasted with tea and then a sleep on the couch.

Lesson here kids is eat something in the 24 hours before you try to run 20K as cleary white wine alone won't get you round.